I just had to see what all of the hype was about. The way some people spoke about it, they made it sound like on the 8th day (if there was one) God himself created a little website where us human beings can walk the very fine line between interested and obsessive. Oh Twitter, you misleading sick, sick, Twitter.

Twitter weirds me out for multiple reasons, all of which are valid. The first is that becoming someone’s friend on Twitter is called “following” them. Hmm, I have four “Followers”. Does this mean I should move them to a compound in the Nevada desert, where we can Twitter about our preparations for the apocalypse? We’ll call ourselves the Kailacins. The Kailakites? We’ll take a vote later.
The second reason is that those text messages, after a while, get extremely ANNOYING! Oh, you’re taking your cat to the vet! What, you’re out of milk and are forced to eat your Cap’n Crunch dry!? How in the hell could I have gone the entire day without being aware of your struggle and strife? After the second day of my phone buzzing about every two minutes, I got a bit sick of constantly being too in the know. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. Hmmm, does Maddison’s cat have fleas? Does Ryan have milk in his fridge? I wonder…
All in all, my experience with Twitter, just made me feel, well, creepy. Everytime I received one of the texts notifying me that “so-and-so is going shopping,” I felt like I was invading this person’s privacy. I might have well have been parked across the street in a white van, peering through a pair of binoculars into their window. Twitter, to put it quite simply, is virtual stalking. There’s just no other way to explain it. Not to mention, the idea of it seems a bit self-important. ”My life is so awesome; people need to know what I’m doing all the time!”
Personally, I think Twitter can be fun so long as its not taken seriously. Take for instance Chris Cain of the band We Are Scientists. He posts his IDEAS4AMERICA, which include: remote control asphalt and jelly mattresses. He also enjoys posting complete and total nonsense, once boasting that he won $50 dollars in a bar bet by naming every single breed of canine. If you already have a Twitter account, you should definitely begin “following”(Eh, creeeepy) Cain, regardless if you’re a fan of WAS or not. Although I don’t understand why you wouldn’t be. We Are Scientists are better than a jelly mattress (Yeah, that good.). In the meantime, I’ll refrain from divulging the candid details of my life. You people just aren’t worthy.







