When Mom Isn’t There: Tips From the Home Front
Today’s post is by guest blogger Nancy Berk, Ph.D. Nancy is the author of College Bound and Gagged: How To Help Your Kid Get Into A Great College Without Losing Your Savings, Your Relationship, or Your Mind. A clinical psychologist, comic, professor, and parent, she blogs for The Huffington Post and USA TODAY College.
Whether you’re a homesick or ecstatic college freshman, being on your own can mean some surprises. And because Mom might not be around the corner, here’s some motherly advice to keep you on track….
• Don’t air your dirty laundry—wash it – That’s right, clean is good, but there’s lots to learn. Dark and light clothes do not mix because their colors will. If you love gray, then feel free to wash the black t-shirts with the white tennis shorts. Mixing reds with whites will get you pink. (It’s all about that color wheel!) Hot water will often maximize the damage and shrinkage.
TIP: Wash light and dark clothes separately. When in doubt, use cold water.
• Everything in moderation—especially junk food – The land of limitless pizza and hoagies is tempting. Shifting from home cooking to dining hall dishes and fast food may be fun, but it can shock your system and your waistline. The Freshman 15 happens for a reason.
TIP: Enjoy indulging every now and then, but recognize the repercussions and don’t forget to exercise.
• Procrastination will come back to bite you – If “All Nighters” sound fun, you haven’t pulled one. Tough course loads and crammed schedules can make them inevitable, but the more proactive you are, the happier you will be down the road. Sleep deprivation is never comfortable and term papers created the night before a deadline are rarely top notch.
TIP: Whenever possible, stay ahead of the game.
• Don’t run with pencils or the wrong crowd – Your safety is our number one priority, but we are no longer able to nag you about it in person. Now it’s up to you to make good decisions and think about the consequences of your actions.
TIP: Every now and then repeat this phrase―“What would my parents say?”
• Better safe than sorry – If you’ve got a feeling something is dangerous, take precautions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or an escort before walking alone after dark. Don’t worry that exiting an uncomfortable social situation might offend someone. And when you are ill, phone home and find a friend who will help you get the care you need.
TIP: Invest in a thermometer. Always have your cell phone and a few dollars in your pocket.
What tips and tricks did Mom pass down to you? When have you needed to call Mom from campus? Share your perspective in a comment below.
When I was in college, I had to call my Mom about 10 times the first time I tried to do laundry! Advice – if you haven’t done your laundry in high school … try it a few times at home before you move away!
I’ve been doing my own and family’s laundry since I was in 8th grade. It’s really quite embarrassing to hear that our generation doesnt know that simple task. People need to learn to be self-sufficient. You can’t rely on others forever
The thing is some people have had different priorities in high school. You’ve developed life skills earlier than most, but remember not everyone has the same experiences before leaving. I’m in the same position, but you have to understand that others have had athletics or academics to worry about rather than learning these skills.
This picture makes me LOL!
This is really sad! I’ve been doing laundry since I was eleven, using the stove since I was twelve, and babysitting my five younger siblings since I was thirteen! I guess not everyone can have as much life experience as I have. It might have been a pain, but now it’s going to come in handy in college! Now that I’m 18, my irritating life at home has definitely prepared me for college! I just hope I don’t have to be the one dorm mate that has to take care of their drunk friend all the time, haha.
This is good advice! I’m so excited for college next fall, I can barely stand it! I love reading these. I know it’ll help me, so thank you.
Wow! It’s hard for me to understand a college student not knowing how to do laundry. I’ve been doing it since I was 2-when I taught my 4-year-old brother how…Which when we told Mom she was quite worried and asked us to show her what how we did it and it was just how it should be. I love doing laundry–just to imagine 16 capable years without the privilege… I guess my brother and I just wanted to grow up fast-and were responsible enough to. We used the stove (by ourselves) when we were 7 and 9. And though sometimes I wish I couldn’t do so much
, when our parents aren’t around it’s really helpful! 
We seem to be largely a generation of incapable youth, and as Nytiah said: it’s very sad! What are those who’ve never done things going to do if their parents get sick or something?
(Hopefully I don’t sound rude or inconsiderate of those who haven’t had my opportunities…I certainly have no intention of being rude!
)
@Samantha: @AY: @Nytiah: You guys make some great points and that’s why we wanted to provide this info to students that may not be as experienced as others. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses—we’re on a mission to help support all aspects of a student’s skill set, both in and out of the classroom.
@Samantha:
I was rarely home in high school, I came home and slept, grabbed breakfast and I was out the door until ten that night! My mom didn’t pressure me to be independent, maybe she should have. But I was only so busy I didn’t have time to take care of myself. I’ll miss my extra curriculars but now I can manage my heavy coarse load and take care of myself.
@Samantha:
riiiiiight. that’s believable.
@Samantha…dont worry…my son graduated w/honors and cant cook, or wash clothes…that is what this summer is for. he was so involved with sports and school that he rarely had time for anything else. soooo i am giving him housecare 101 before August gets here.
I think the level of “college preparedness” certainly varies. Love all of your comments. And I hope that the laundry savvy students will coach the clueless. I must admit my younger son returned from a year of college and is more helpful than ever. Something’s working. Enjoy your summer everyone.
Nancy
I do know everything varies but you’d think they’d at least learn a little from helping mom (before or during high school) I am a current college student but I was in many extra curricular and sports, Advanced Placement classes graduated with honors while also working and know how to do laundry, sew, cook and clean the house. I also helped paint the house inside and out to make extra money as i was cheaper than a painting professional for my mom. I wish our generation knew more about all of this kind of stuff.
Great comments everyone – from both perspectives. Another thing that students living in a dorm need to remember is to take vitamins and air out their rooms every once in awhile. As the rooms get musty and need to have air fresheners sprayed in them to keep colds and the flu at bay.
I was also doing laundry and cooking for myself and a younger sibling at a very young age; the experience, in my opinion, is highly overrated. I raised my son to be a kid and take advantage of his childhood. It goes by oh so quickly. It is commendable that some of you have mastered the art of home economics,i.e. cooking and cleaning, but to be fair some cultures encourage those experiences and self reliance in children and some don’t. The less savvy at laundry will have a skill set unlike yours but just as necessary and valid. Help and teach each other and learn about one another. Try to be less judgmental and a little more tolerant. You are going to meet lots of people that don’t share your opinions and haven’t had the same experiences you have,but being tolerant and recognizing that fact will certainly go a long way towards your becoming a compassionate adult. Above all enjoy the ride and be safe.
Mom of college bound son.
@Nytiah: @Donna: @Nytiah:
Wow! That experience sounds sad to me. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to focus on my grades,sports and my volunteer work, thanks to my mom’s help. If there was a choice to be made, I’m sure most would choose to learn in college rather than loose precise years being forced to put the adults need for them to act as a caregiver ahead of their childhood. If that happen to me, I would feel resentful that my parents cheated me out of my childhood. BTW I do wash my clothes, clean and when I’m hungry I know how to …. Call mom.( joke )
I was also a very active athletically and academically in school. Some nights I wouldn’t get home to midnight after an away game but somehow I know how to take care of an household. I dont feel as if I’ve lost my childhood either. I had a great childhood. My parents were just preparing me for a time when I might not have them to lean on and I thank them for it. I mean seriously, if u dirty ur clothes why not wash them ur selfs. Our parents are our PARENTS!, not our maids. But everyone comes from different walks of life I guess…
You guys need to understand the fact that some of us do have maids and that we also know how to be self sufficient at the same time. I understand it can be hard not to grasp how people can’t do something that comes so easily to you, but it happens. I graduated with high honors and was extremely involved in my school and my community and yet still knew how to take care of myself. However, I didn’t flaunt it around and make everyone that couldn’t do what I could feel like they were beneath me. You must remember, this blog is for people who don’t know how to do certain things, or even just want extra advice and confirmation for peace of mind (like me). Honestly, it’s quite saddening to think my generation would be so immature at this point in our lives to make others feel inferior because they didn’t live “irritating” lives which, for many people, is probably a blessing. I don’t mean to sound insulting, but please keep your insecurities which you so indiscreetly try to hide by making yourself sound “super human” because you know how to do a load of laundry to yourself and discontinue insulting those who are obviously trying to better their lives by reading this blog instead of winding up with a wardrobe full of shrunken, horrid looking clothing. Thank you.
@Allie: Seriously? Noone cares whether people have maids or not. It’s kinda pathetic they didn’t learn the stuff now, regardless of the fact that you want to consider people having had “irritating” lives as bragging. The article is excellent, but I don’t think anyone was trying to brag about the fact that they knew how to wash clothes and other neccessary life skills. I mean the fact that you are considering people who know how to be well-rounded in and out of school “superhuman” makes me question whether you actually know how to wash clothes yourself. Noone is making anyone sound inferior. LOL or insulting anyone for the fact that they don’t know common skills.
Any other tips for college?
I was actually really shocked to find out that some people hadn’t done their own laundry at 17 – 18 at least once. My mom couldn’t always get to doing everyone’s laundry because of work, so she taught me how to do it just in case. Even with academics and sports, I could still take 5 – 10 minutes to sort my clothes and throw it in the washing machine. I hope that the kids who haven’t take this opportunity to learn the basics before leaving! Washing machines themselves are easy to use though
Our moms – our happiness! Always helping my parents in the home. Can not be otherwise – they gave me a good education, for which I am grateful to them for life.
Dont worry I am not here to complain about my generation on failure laundry. It happens. But I am a college bound girl as we speak. (ahhh!! with mixed emotions) A few tips Ive heard is:
*do your laundry on days that other people dont. Say you have a a few hours to kill on an odd hour that most people are in class. You can have the usage of as many washers and dryers as you please. It will be done faster.
*Black Out Curtains will be your best friend.
*Like Sheldon Cooper, make a roommate agreement. Maybe not as extensive as Sheldon’s, but to keep the peace, set boundaries early. You will either love or hate your roommate, but at least yall will know what not to do.
*Colleges typically start the fall semester in August, which is a hotter month. So. pack your summer clothes and a few cold weather item. Most of us will go back home for fall break or Thanksgiving and then you can switch your summer items (with a tear) for winter items. This saves you space, and we all know that we are very limited with that. This may only work for the states that have all four seasons, but its nice to keep in mind.
*Write down deadlines!! This means for bills, homework, papers, scholarships, everything! Mamma and or Daddy aint there to hound you about it!
*Have fun! Im scared, nervous, excited, anxious, and every other emotional wreck about college, but I know my priorities and that I dont want to become a Zombie. If you just need a stress break, get you some bubbles and have a hay day.
Hope this helped, Its going to definitely help me. Stop whinin bout the laundry thing, this section was for tips. Sorry.
Hakuna Matata, Allison